DEPRESSED AND DROWNING

I was shocked to my bones when I got an emergency call from my kid sister about another of my sister. Her status were words of depression and wanting to pass on to the other side.

What! How did she get to that point? What has been going through her mind? How come people around her hadn't noticed? Hope she hasn't done harm to herself?

Too many questions running through my mind, yet i felt this sort of calm, unexplainable!

Depression doesn’t feel like any other illness.

Depression scared me. It scared me to know that it felt like one was drowning in an abyss. 

It scared me to know that one can look in the mirror and not recognize him or herself, or worse, hate the person they saw..

It scared me to know that one would contemplate ways of killing oneself, because one felt so hopeless.

As the friend or family member of a depressed person, what do you do?

Depression often has two sides:

Moving downward, and simultaneously hating yourself for moving downward.

It feels like something you should be able to pray away.

Whether you’re unsure if your loved one is actually depressed, or terrified to leave them alone because of what they might do, here are 5 things your brother or sister needs from you right now:

LOGICAL REASONING.

Often times we are faced with challenges and cannot think through it. This gets many frustrated and instead of thinking of how to crack the nuts or break the ice or think through with problem solving skills, they look for quick fixes. The feeling of helplessness overwhelmed by the thoughts of impossibilities sets in and if not checked depression breaks out. Your brother or sister needs to be able to bring them to a point of reasoning. Once you can get them to this point, a new phase opens up for happiness to flow.

They need to be able to come to a point where they can think through and you sure do well to be there to help. 

GRATITUDE.

Being grateful for who you are today, where you are today and all you have been through and emerged triumphant is a great deal. Knowing you have come thus far away from who you used to be can be mind bugling. Your brother or sister needs to be able to recount or look back and see all the areas of life where it had gone well for him/her. 

Ingratitude in not permissible at all. It makes you see all the things that are not working when you can really see all that's working out for your good. 

Gratitude on the other hand  eliminates every sense of entitlement and the bliss of being privileged sets in. It eliminates envy and comparison knowing your success is not measured by peoples. Reliving many who do not have up to what you do and yet are joyfully striving and probably looking up to get to where you are. 

PRESENCE.

Your brother or sister doesn’t need solutions, advice, or motivational speeches. He/she needs someone to sit next to him/her and hold him/her while he/she cries. They need someone to ask them questions and try to understand what they are going through.

You could ask your brother or sister, “How are you?” But a better question would be “How is today?”
Send a text. Check in, often. Pray for and with him if he feels okay with that.

(Note: If you fear your brother or sister or friend is suicidal, strongly urge them to get professional help from a doctor or counselor right away.)

CARE FOR THEIR PHYSICAL NEEDS.

Depression is physiological, not just psychological. I’ll never forget when my sister's friends Mr & Mrs Smith and Pee Jay their unending calls. They didn’t ask if I needed anything because I sure needed their support. They just brought all they could.

Get your friend out of the house for a walk. Invite him to join you in something you would be doing anyway.

PATIENCE.

She’s probably not going to be fun to be around. Social functions might feel impossible for him/her. Small talk might make him/her want to pull their hair out. But they need to know that they are loved.
The voice in your brother or sister’s head telling him/her what he/she ought to do more of and be more of is probably part of what caused his depression.

He/she needs your gentle reminder that even in their doing nothing at all, they is loved by and perfectly acceptable to Jesus.

Loving a depressed person is draining and demanding. There was no quick, easy fix for it. It felt helpless at that time. 

So remember to extend grace to yourself. 

You need safe brothers or sisters or friends to help you process your own feelings.

When my sister was in the abyss, she rarely felt the love or presence of God.

When she was reading the Bible or alone crying out to Him, She heard His silence and felt His absence.

But she did experience His love and care through others.

In the darkest moments, She kept crying, “God, where are you?”

But now she realize, He was there through me. He was there through friends like Gerald, Ehiz, Moses and Close pals from her college days.

He (God) was there, and He will be there With you.