BEING ALONE IS NOT THE SAME AS BEING LONELY

We are, it seems, lonelier than ever. 

What was once a fear associated almost exclusively with old age seems now to haunt individuals of all ages. A survey found that 18-24 year olds were four times more likely to report feelings of loneliness than individuals over 70, while the following year, it was on record that the highest levels of loneliness was among those aged 45-54. It’s found that men were being plagued by this “silent epidemic,” with more than a third of all age groups reporting feelings of isolation at least once a week.

And many are acutely aware of loneliness at this time of year, The 8^TH day of January has come to be known as ‘divorce day’ among numerous lawyers as such a high proportion of legal proceedings for divorce begin on January 8.

One of the most frequent complaints heard in psychology clinics is that people feel overwhelmed, unable to meet the many demands from friends, family and colleagues - but how can we be both overwhelmed by social demands and lonely at the same time?

 

LET’S START WITH THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN FEELING LONELY AND BEING ALONE.

Loneliness is not a state you’d willingly choose. It’s a feeling of isolation, friendlessness, rejection - even abandonment. You can feel lonely even when surrounded by others, if you don’t feel any connection with them.  The chronically lonely are more likely than others to experience low mood and bouts of depression, to lack trust in themselves and others, and to feel helpless about their ability to determine their life direction.

Being alone—that is, choosing to take time for yourself rather than feeling that aloneness has been imposed—is, on the other hand, associated with a sense of freedom (primarily from social pressures), heightened creativity and a clearer sense of self. 

I summarise the benefits well by describing it thus- that by getting away from the people and the usual activities that define us, it becomes easier to recognise and understand our uniqueness, and then—if desired— to make positive changes.

HOW, THEN, DO YOU GO ABOUT BENEFITING FROM SOLITUDE, BUT AT THE SAME TIME NOT SUFFERING FROM LONELINESS? 

 

First, take time out regularly to be alone. Earmark 30 minutes each week in your diary just for yourself. Do something you enjoy—take a luxurious bath, go for a walk in the countryside—and allow yourself to reflect freely on your current activities, how well they express your individuality and how you might go about giving yourself more opportunities for self-expression, personal enjoyment and fulfill purpose.

Second, use social media wisely. If you think simply accessing social media sites will help you feel connected with those you care about, you’re mistaken. 

If, however, you use those sites as a starting point, a convenient way to contact others so you can arrange to catch up with them face to face, then rather than increasing your sense of loneliness social media will help you feel valued and truly in touch with those who matter most to you.