This question was asked by two young
people. “In everyday life together is beautiful, it gives joy, and support. But
it is a challenge to face. We believe that we need to learn how to love one
another. There is a “style” of life as a couple, a spirituality of daily life
that we want to take on. Can you help us in this?”
I responded:
Living together is an art, a patient,
beautiful, fascinating journey. It does not end once you have won each other’s
love... Rather, it is precisely there where it begins! This journey of every
day has a few rules that can be summed up in three phrases which you already
said, phrases which I have already repeated many times to friends and families,
and which you have already learned to use among yourselves: May I —
that is, “Can I”, you said — Thank you, and I’m sorry.
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“Can I, may I?” This is the polite
request to enter the life of another with respect and care.
One should learn how to ask: may I do
this? Would you like for us to do this? Should we take up this initiative, to
educate our children in this way? Do you want to go out tonight? ... In short,
to ask permission means to know how to enter with courtesy into the lives of
others.
Pay attention to this: to know how to
enter with courtesy into the lives of others. It’s not easy, not easy at all.
Sometimes, however, manners are used in a heavy way, like hiking boots! True
love does not impose itself harshly and aggressively. For know dearly that
courtesy is one of the attributes of God, for courtesy is the sister of
charity, it extinguisheth hatred and kindleth love.
Yes, courtesy kindles love. And today
in our families, in our world, which is frequently violent and arrogant, there
is so much need for courtesy. And this can begin at home.
“Thank you”. It seems so easy to say
these words, but we know that it is not. But it is important! We teach it to
children, but then we ourselves forget it! Gratitude is an important sentiment!
An old woman once said to me: “gratitude is a flower that grows on a noble
ground”. Nobility of soul is necessary so that this flower might grow. Do you remember
the Gospel of Luke? Jesus heals ten lepers and then only one returns to say
thank you to Jesus and the other nine, where are they?
Guess what? Nine were only healed but
the one who came to give thanks was made whole. This also holds true for us: do
we know how to give thanks? In your relationship, and tomorrow in married life,
it is important to keep alive the awareness that the other person is a gift
from God — and for the gifts of God we say thank you! — We must always give
thanks for them. And in this interior attitude one says thank you to the other
for everything. It is not a kind word to use with strangers, to show you are
polite. You need to know how to say thank you in order to go forward in a good
way together in married life.
The third: “I’m sorry”. In life we
err frequently, we make many mistakes. We all do. Wait, maybe someone here has
never made a mistake? Raise your hand if you are that someone, there: a person
who has never made a mistake? We all do it! All of us! Perhaps not a day goes
by without making some mistake. And, thus, we make mistakes... Hence the need
to use these simple words: “I’m sorry”. In general each of us is ready to
accuse the other and to justify ourselves. This began with our father Adam,
when God asks him: “Adam, have you eaten of the fruit?”. “Me? No! It was her,
she gave it to me!”. Accusing the other to avoid saying “I’m sorry”, “forgive
me”. It’s an old story! It is an instinct that stands at the origin of so many
disasters. Let us learn to acknowledge our mistakes and to ask for forgiveness.
“Forgive me if today I raised my voice”; “I’m sorry if I passed without
greeting you”; “excuse me if I was late”, “if this week I was very silent”, “if
I spoke too much without ever listening”; “excuse me if I forgot”; “I’m sorry I
was angry and I took it out on you”... We can say many “I’m sorry”s every day.
In this way, too, a Christian family grows. We all know that the perfect family
does not exist, nor a perfect husband or wife... we won’t even speak about a
perfect mother-in-law. Jesus, who knows us well, teaches us a secret: don’t let
a day end without asking forgiveness, without peace returning to our home, to
our family. It is normal for husband and wife to quarrel, but there is always
something, we had quarreled... Perhaps you were mad, perhaps plates flew, but
please remember this: never let the sun go down without making peace! Never,
never, never! This is a secret, a secret for maintaining love and making peace.
Pretty words are not necessary... Sometimes just a simple gesture and... peace
is made. Never let a day end... for if you let the day end without making
peace, the next day what is inside of you is cold and hardened and it is even
more difficult to make peace.
Remember: never let the sun go down
without making peace! If we learn to say sorry and ask one another for
forgiveness, the marriage will last and move forward. When elderly couples,
celebrating 50 years together, come to celebrate I ask them: “Who supported
whom?” This is beautiful! Everyone looks at each other, they look at me and
say: “Both!”. And this is beautiful! This is a beautiful witness!
Questions and Comments are appreciated.
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Banky hope u ve seen d love u were looking for in lagos,lol
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