SINGLES SERIES: IS I DO THE BEGINNING OF BLISS OR REGRET? 3

BLEND YOUR MONEY

Obviously you can’t completely blend your money before you’re married, but you can
create a budget, a debt repayment schedule, and a savings schedule. In fact, you should.

Watch how he spends money. Is he careful with money, or does he not care about debt? Does he work hard for his money? Is he motivated to provide?

Red Flags:

·         If he won’t talk about whether or not he has debt, be careful. You both should fully disclose your financial situation before you marry.

·         If he spends money he doesn’t seem to have, and doesn’t like budgeting, this will likely continue into your marriage.

IDENTIFY A MENTOR COUPLE

Notice that I didn’t say “take pre-marital counseling”. I actually do agree with counseling; it’s just that I’ve rarely known it to make a huge difference. Usually people go to counseling and hear all the warnings, but they go in one ear and out the other because people think, “that’s not about us. We’re actually IN LOVE. We won’t experience that.”

And then they get married and they do.

So I like the idea of pre-marital counseling, but I actually think it’s more important to have things in place so that when problems come after you get married, you have a way of dealing with them.

Identify a mentor couple that you can talk with periodically for your first two years together.

Red Flags:

·         If he refuses to do counseling or find a couple because “we don’t need that”, that’s likely a sign he’s unwilling to talk about deep issues.

WAIT FOR SEX

Having sex before you’re married does nothing to make sure you’re sexually compatible, because we change once we’re married. And couples who wait to have sex until they’re married have better sex afterwards. Please, wait until the wedding.

And don’t forget to read this warning.

Red Flags:

·         If he insists on sex now, or pushes your boundaries, he’s unlikely to be able to wait for important things afterwards, too.

·         If you spend all of your time now “making out”, and very little doing important things, then your relationship may be built more on physical intimacy than spiritual and emotional intimacy. And that doesn’t bode well for the long run.

Falling in love is a heady time. It’s easy for our emotions to get the better of us. But choosing whom to marry is such a crucial decision. Don’t base it on feelings. Really get to know the other person, and take time to assess his character in a number of situations. You don’t get another chance at this, so do it right now, so that when you walk down that aisle, you’re confident that this is truly the man that God has for you.

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