PREPARING FOR MARRIAGE: HOW CAPABLE ARE YOU?

Preparing yourself for marriage is even more important than preparing yourself for the wedding day.

How dare you say i shouldn't give top priority to my wedding? Its once in a a life time. That's not fair, well that's an understatement.

I spent the better part of Saturday doing a makeover for a client.

After much cleaning, moisturizing, priming, applying corrector, concealers, foundation, drawing the brows, high lightening etc and we’re done. Then the client’s comment was made "Wow, it's amazing how much preparation and time you have to take to get me ready. Then you set, and within minutes you're done."

This makeover principle seems to be something we lack in today's relationships/marriages. We spend lots of money and time preparing for the wedding day. The penguin suits and puffy white dresses, cakes, champagne, the guests, where the service will be, then the reception. A lot of work for just a few hours of time. Often, we spend more time and energy preparing for the wedding than we do preparing for the marriage. 

What would happen if we actually prepared ourselves for marriage, not just the wedding? What might that "preparing" process look like?

Here are three steps to "prepare yourself" for marriage. I believe we need these, no matter the season of our relationships.

1. Having your money under control.

Whether you're dating or have been married for 20 years, we can all get better at how we handle money in our relationships. Money is a tool. In our marriages, we have to be on the same page about how it is used. It is critical that you set guidelines about money. Who will pay the bills? How much money will you spend and on what? How will you make decisions about big expenses? If you both don't agree on a big expense, then wait to purchase it. Money (or the items we buy with money) can't be more important than our marriages. If you are able, take a financial class together to learn about how to be wise with your money. 

2. Learning communication skills.

Learning how to effectively communicate with your spouse is extremely important. It is something that we really have to work on — for most of us it doesn't come naturally. I suggest you read books, listen to podcasts, go to conferences — anything you can do to improve yourself on both sides of the communication process, better listening and better speaking, so your mate will understand you.

3. Having a relationship with God.

The foundation of a good marriage is one that includes God. My pastor made a great statement: "You don't know who you are, until you know who God is." If we get our identities from our past, our occupations, our families or our spouses, then our marriages will be much more difficult than they have to be. Everybody knows that line from the movie "You complete me." Well, that's just bogus. I can't complete my beautiful wife and she can't complete me. We can complement each other, we can each bring different strengths to the marriage, but I have to know who I am first (and so do you). And I really can't figure out who I am until I have an understanding of the person who created me.