Kim Kardashan Editor...
I slipped into the first look - a tight, black long-sleeved dress with a high neck and sheer top panel. I needed a little help getting zipped in, but once it was on I felt surprisingly covered up. Add Kim's signature black duster coat and knee high boots and honestly I had less skin showing than I do at home in my baggy pajamas. The only thing that gave me pause was the shadow of my ample cleavage (albeit unsupported by an ill-fitting black bra, but can you blame me for not buying a new bra every time my boobs have grown over the last nine months?
I kept my chest covered with the coat as I walked through the office down to the street, but once I got outside, I had no qualms about baring my black undergarment since I felt so modestly dressed otherwise. I must say, Kim's duster coats are actually genius. They hide the butt, which inevitably grows while you're growing a human, and make the skin-tight, often sheer ensembles feel a lot less revealing. I actually felt more self-conscious walking through my office full of gawking (and extremely encouraging) co-workers than I did on the street being stared at by strangers (maybe due to the fact that half my face was hiding behind huge dark sunglasses a la Kim?). So, my first step into Kim K's shoes wasn't that bad - well, it was pretty comical walking in five-inch platform over-the-knee, open-toe boots while trying to balance my expanding stomach - but otherwise, not that bad.
Onto look two, the one I was most apprehensive about, and definitely the most revealing. Remember that lace-up dress Kim wore when she was out with Kanye back in September or the olive one she chose for the VMAs? Let's just say I wouldn't wear a look like that to anything, pregnant or not, so it was especially a stretch for me to try the revealing ensemble without a bra. I haven't gone braless since before I got pregnant the first time and it's definitely not something that's all that practical with the larger than normal chest I'm blessed with when pregnant. I'm assuming Kim has a cleavage supporting secret for this special time in her life, too - but then again she's never appeared to be uncomfortable about going braless or even flashing a little nipple in public.
It took a little convincing but I braved the streets, half-attempting to conceal my cleavage with the black blazer until I absolutely had to reveal everything for the sake of documentation. But aside from the side boob, I felt similarly covered up and tucked in, once again. Not to mention relatively comfortable since everything I had on was sufficiently stretchy. Minus, of course, the heels, which someone else had to actually put on for me since it was physically impossible for me to reach down to lace them up myself. I'm guessing that's where Kim's full time styling staff comes into play since I couldn't even wear those out of house if I wanted to without the help of my husband - and let's be honest, he probably wouldn't be busy helping me with the heels if he saw how much cleavage I was showing.
I had braved the streets of San Francisco in the most brazenly sexy outfit and suddenly Kim's nude Yeezy bodysuit didn't seem like that much of a stretch. OK, I was still relieved that the flesh-colored leggings and tank combo was not part of my last look. Instead I donned a pale pink, high neck, tank dress. That's right, no cleavage in sight. I definitely felt the most like myself in the stretchy one-piece - it was a good length and the duster coat made me feel less self conscious about the sweater fabric clinging to all my bumps.At this point it was clear: Kim's clothes may look restrictive and confining, but in reality they are probably the most comfortable option she has. Aside from the heels, again, I might actually wear this one even if pale pink isn't exactly one of my closet staples.
To be fair, I didn't have to wear that lace jumpsuit, but trust me when I say no one was more surprised than me with how I felt about the whole experience. Gawk all you want at Kim's ridiculous ensembles (or me attempting to emulate them), but it just wasn't that bad. Maybe it's my elevated, out-of-whack hormones causing me to lose all inhibition? Or maybe it was a little fun to feel extra sexy at nine months pregnant, especially when sexy is not a word I normally associate with my pregnant self. While I don't dislike being pregnant with anywhere near the same intensity that Kim seems to, I do understand feeling less physically comfortable than when my body is all my own. So if throwing on a tight top and showing off a little extra cleavage like she normally does gives her that extra, ahem, bump in her step, who are we to judge?
The difference is that she's wearing these looks every day. I wore them for 20 minutes each, and that was probably my threshold. If I was attending an event, I would maybe don one of the more daring looks, but to go to lunch? Not happening. That's just what sets Kim apart. She's a celebrity, she's a brand, and she has an image to maintain. It's actually her job. If someone paid me, maybe I'd be happy to hire an assistant to help me lace up my four-inch heels over my swollen feet and zip me into a see-through dress. And since I would only have to walk the 50 feet from the car into the restaurant thanks to my driver, maybe the heels wouldn't be an issue. But since my current entourage consists of a 2-year-old and a busy husband, I think I'm going to stick with my ballet flats, stretchy belly-paneled skinny jeans, and covered-up tanks until I give birth to this baby. Then I guess I'll go back to wearing, well, ballet flats and skinny jeans.
© POPSUGAR Photography / Grace Hitchcock, www.ritsopke.blogspot.com
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