Whether it's out to dinner
with friends or at home around the table with family, on a romantic date with a
partner or at a cocktail hour with coworkers, we have all experienced phubbing.
In case you haven't heard of the term before, phubbing (phone snubbing) is when
someone ignores their real-life companions in favor of their phones or devices.
A 2015 study found that
46.3 percent of its participants admitted to being regularly phone snubbed by
their loved ones. What's more, 22.6 percent said it caused serious issues in
their personal relationships!!!
One thing is
clear: It's time to put the phones down and have fun interacting with each
other again, and a great place to start is at the dinner table.
Get People off
the Phone at Dinner
Phones may be
addicting, but it is possible to have a fun dinner with
friends and family without anyone using their devices. It is just a matter of
understanding your behaviors, talking openly about the issue of phubbing,
setting clear boundaries for yourself and others, and, when all else fails,
getting a little creative about creating phone-free zones.
Here are six ways
to get everyone to hang up their phones.
1. Set expectations and create boundaries.
The first step to
getting your friends and family to get off their phone at meal times is letting
them know how phubbing makes you feel. Having an open conversation with your
loved ones about the importance of quality time and the consequences of phone
snubbing (they're real and include things like hurt feelings, personal
conflicts, even depression) is crucial to creating better, more meaningful
meals together. Make it clear to your family that phones are off-limits at meal
times, and don't be shy about telling your friends you'd rather not have
devices at dinner with you.
2. Politely call
out bad behavior when it's happening.
I never noticed
how often I was on my phone during meal times — that is, until a friend called
me out on my bad behavior over breakfast one morning. The truth is, constantly
using cell phones has become so second nature to people that most of the time,
we don't even notice when we're doing it. Letting someone know that they've
been using their phone a lot at dinner can help them realize the error of their
ways. The key is to do it politely and tactfully, without hurting anyone's
feelings.
A good way to do
it? Simply ask your dining companion what they're doing on the phone, and if it
is important. Often times, that is a big enough hint to put the phone down.
3. Track phone
usage.
To fix the
problem, it's important that you first understand its scope. If you really want
to get a good idea of how often you or your family are snubbing each other,
track your phone usage and use your findings to try and improve mealtime
etiquette. Apps like Moment and Moment Family automatically track the
amount of time you and your loved ones spend on the phone, allow you to set
limits for yourself, and even create screen-free times that force everyone off
their phones together. Even if you can't control your phone usage, ironically,
your phone can do it for you.
4. Shut devices
down altogether.
When you and your
family are really struggling to keep the screens away at dinnertime, sometimes
it's easier to remove the temptation all together. If you're at home, ask
everyone to turn their phones off during meals, or create a space for the whole
family to stash their phones away while you eat — a bowl, kitchen drawer, or a
coffee table in the far-away living room all work great.
When you're out
to dinner with friends, leave your phone in the car or in your bag and people
might start to follow your lead. If you have a job or circumstance that
requires you to keep your cell phone turned on, turn unnecessary notifications
off to minimize distractions and interruptions.
5. Make phubbers
pay.
Like the family
swear jar, a phubbing jar is a great way to get the whole family to adapt
better behaviors. Whenever someone uses a device at dinner time, make them put
a dollar in the jar. At the end of the year, you will have (hopefully) not only
minimized phone snubbing, but you'll have some fun money to spend as a family.
While you can't
make your friends shell out cash for their phubbing the same way you can expect
your family to, there is a way to make your BFF phubbers pay: the phone pile. A
trick I learned in college, phone piling is when you and your friends stack
your phones in the middle of the table when you're out to eat. The first person
to reach for their device has to pay for dinner (or, more realistically, the
tip.)
6. Pair eating
with a group activity.
Between devices,
social media, streaming services, and a 24/7 news cycle, it's not surprising to
learn that modern Nigerians are over-stimulated. In fact, we are so
overstimulated that when we are not having information constantly thrown at us,
we get restless and turn to our phones for entertainment.
To help people
stay away from the screen during meal times together, keep the conversation
going with talks on current events or your day's peach and pits (the highs and
lows). Or play a fun and simple game like Who Am I? or Finish the Story. Make
dinner fun again and no one will think about their phone all meal long.
What are you
doing to elminate phubbing from your meals?
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